North...

Standing outside the Salt Lake City temple last week, I overheard a woman talking to her son.  She said,

"Now here's something not everyone notices about the temple.  Look above the second window.  You'll see the big dipper."  She was right.

Later I asked a friend why this was.  He said he didn't know the original reason why they put this on the temple, but that President Hinckley once gave a talk using the same idea.  He explained how this constellation pointed to the North Star, and how in our lives we should always be facing true North, which is our Savior Jesus Christ. 

Well, the past few days I have been thinking about the direction my life will be going.  This idea of heading North rested in the back of my mind until I listened to an R.E.M. song today.  The song, called "Stand", goes like this.

Stand in the place where you live
Now face North
Think about direction
Wonder why you haven't before

Now stand in the place where you work
Now face west
Think about the place where you live
Wonder why you haven't before. 

If you are confused check with the sun
Carry a compass to help you along
Your feet are going to be on the ground
Your head is there to move you around

If wishes were trees the trees would be falling
Listen to reason
Season is calling

I think the general direction of my life has been mastered by my wishes of the moment, which is wishing for my best friends to never leave me.  But reason doesn't always agree with my wishes, and in order to position myself to face true North, I have to sometimes let the wishes go.

I think its about time to let reason rule my life's direction.

Drab.

It is no wonder I didn't realize I have been sitting in the dark.  I guess it created the perfect sort of ambience to accomodate my internal distractions.  That clouding feeling around me in accordance with the steady monotony of rainfall on the roof has created a breeding ground for my thoughts. 

I have been logging on to Facebook way too much today.  I keep zoning out when people talk to me. I find that I'm annoyed with the people on the train, and the people on Facebook.  Every once in a while I feel a little sick to my stomach.

Because of the rain, I can't go out for the daily walk I take during lunch.  I might as well just sit here and let the thoughts and disturbances have their way with me. 

Unintentional ... whatever.

So I was in the middle of a completely different entry that was probably a lot more articulate and thought out than this one is going to be.  But the mood got killed, and I still feel like blogging. 

I have so much to say... so much on my mind.  Since it would take an eternity to make a particular entry about each thing I have been thinking about, maybe I'll just make a list here.

- My mother, wishing I could be there while she recovers from surgery
- Kind of wondering if I am doing things right, wondering if people are mad at me
- I've been dreaming about gigantic marine life that act strangely... like giant fish that stalk people out of water and sharks and whales with nasty teeth
- My new relationship with Riley
- Missing my past.
-  Ew.  Ouch.  That last one just started to hurt a little more.  There are a few people so close to my heart that I feel like are gone. 
- My internship at Catholic Community Services.  I feel like I am starting to love it.  Its been amazing and eye opening.
- My progression.  I feel like when it comes to spirituality and self-security, that this summer has been a leap forward.

- My gratitude for an amazing ward and an amazing bishop.
- My gratitude for a boyfriend that tells me I'm beautiful with eyes that mean it.

Ugh.  I feel like I am full of so much emotion that I just can't get out.  Just so much that I'm feeling.  This entry kind of blows.  Feel free to disregard this post.  It didn't really serve its purpose, because I still feel like........  

yelling? 
crying?
sleeping?

Good night!